Say My Name – The Dangers of the Hotel Lobby

For any providers, heading out to meet a stranger for a hot date was always going to be fraught with risk and the possibility of things going awry. Sometimes to hilarious effect, and sometimes dangerously so.

Vigilant screening aside, it is vital for ladies to take extra care when meeting anyone for the first time. We need to pay closer attention to the ID sent. By the time we leave for the date, it’s harder to recall what the gent you’re meeting actually looks like and it’s so easy to confuse them with more recent enquiries and have the wrong one in mind. It doesn’t help that Govt ID barely shows a face the size of a postage stamp, with no indication of height, build or anything else to help pick him out instantly from a crowded hotel lobby or bar. Even worse during the pandemic when everyone was masked!

With more and more hotels having keycard operated lifts, it’s harder for providers to head discreetly to a gent’s room upon arrival, so we’re often forced to meet in the lobby or bar and get escorted to the room in person.

It’s not easy for us ladies to recognise our date among a number of gents milling around a hotel lobby or bar area. l look like my photos (missing face aside), so the minute clients spot me, they make their way over quickly to greet me. But the thing is, if a glamorous woman walks into any bar or hotel lobby alone, she becomes a target for every single male on the prowl within the same vicinity. She feels obliged to smile at everyone who looks her way just in case, and she isn’t sure when a man smiles broadly and directly at her, if that man could be her date. It’s difficult!

Wearing masks in hotel lobbies made it even harder to spot each other, but with or without masks, the law of averages means there’s often more than one man, who on paper, will perfectly match the vague descriptions clients give you before meeting up. Does any of this sound familiar??

“You can’t miss me – (because..)
I’m tall & bald. I’ll be in a navy blazer.
I’ll be the big chap in a pink shirt.
I’ve got grey hair and glasses.
I’ve got dark hair, medium build, in a suit.
I’ll stand near the bar with a newspaper.
Gents, you HAVE to give us more! MUCH more!

l now demand many more identifying details to ensure l don’t risk mistaken identity occurring, after it happened to me more than once. Each time could well have been a disaster, but luckily the mistake was spotted before l actually went off with the wrong chap – but only by a whisker, mind!

The first time l was early for a date with a 48yr old called Aleksandr, so l walked into the hotel lobby and took a seat on a massive ornate chair in a corner facing the reception, close to the main doors, so the client couldn’t miss me whichever direction he came from.

The description he’d given me was “I’m tall and I’ll be wearing a dark blue shirt with jeans”. I asked if he had a beard or wore glasses, but he just said no. I was at least 20 mins early, and didn’t want to fluster him in case he was still showering or dressing, so l didn’t message him. He would just spot me as soon as he came out of the lift. l calmly browsed emails whilst l waited.

Feeling a shadow fall over me l looked up to see a tall slim guy in a dark blue shirt loose over fitted jeans, standing grinning at me expectantly. He had lush black hair curling round his face, and looked rosy and flushed as if he’d just done some exercise. He was really handsome with thick dark lashes and a beautiful face reminiscent of a romantic hero in a novel or drama – like Poldark in fact…

He said “Hi!” And after a beat – “You look great!“

I thanked him and smiled back uncertainly, wondering if I’d read the client’s date of birth wrong somehow – or had he made a typo when he’d said he was 48? This chap looked barely 32 at the most!

‘Erm are you Aleks?‘ l asked. The guy’s eyes widened and he said “Yess! I AM!” He hit his chest once and practically jumped on the spot in excitement.

“Dyou want a drink?” He asked. As l stood hesitantly he grabbed my hand eagerly and we headed for the bar.

We had taken a few steps when l suddenly heard someone call my name and turned my head right to see a slim greying gent hurrying towards me, wearing a navy blue shirt tucked into jeans, with a look of consternation on his face. We all stopped and faced each other hesitantly. He was craggily handsome – a ‘silver fox’ with grey designer stubble, blue eyes, dark brows & short spiked grey hair.

‘Hi Maddie,’ he said to me, ‘I’m Aleks’ and grinning wryly at the younger man he said ‘were you trying to steal my date?’

‘Omg – I’M Alex!’ said the young guy grabbing and shaking his hand. ‘Let me buy you a drink!’

We declined!

The second time, l was meeting my client for an overnight at the Sofitel London Heathrow. l arrived early and decided to get a drink. As l waited for the bartender to serve me, a man suddenly stood right behind me and as l turned to face him, he said “Hi!” very brightly.

I said ‘Hi!’ in return, with a smile, backing up against the bar. We grinned awkwardly at each other, and l took in the pale blue shirt he was wearing, which my date had said he’d wear.

‘How was your journey down here?’ he said wheeling my cabin bag to stow it neatly between our bar stools. He bought me a drink and we perched chatting about the traffic and current affairs for about 15 minutes. I was staring at him thinking he seemed a lot fuller in the face than his passport photo, but I didn’t comment. Maybe he’d had his passport pic taken during an illness or leaner times, and now he’d put on weight that suited him…

As we finished our drinks he stood up and took the handle of my case and said ‘Well… shall we…?’ and as l stood, he bade me follow him and headed for the lifts.

We were nearly at them when l suddenly heard someone shout ‘Maddie!’ To my horror l turned to see my actual client hurrying towards us. As he got closer I saw that he looked far more like the passport scan I’d been sent, with thinning grey hair framing a slim face and quite pronounced cheekbones. He wore a lightweight jacket over a pale blue shirt with tailored stone trousers.

‘Where were you going with this chap??’ he said in disbelief. “Ian, I am SO sorry!’ l exclaimed, mortified. ‘That guy came straight up to me and started chatting- l really thought he was you!’

The moral of this tale for clients is to PLEASE ensure you give us ladies far more details in your self descriptions.

And when you spot your chosen courtesan in the hotel lobby, make sure you say her name clearly as you approach. Say my name, Sir – please say my name!

And ladies, try NOT to engage with anyone until you’ve heard your name first.